Resting Bitch Face

Today's #fatselfiechallenge is to take a picture of my resting bitch face. I know this is going to be a difficult one for me because I don't do resting bitch face very well. So here is my best attempt!

#fatselfiechallenge

So... a friend of mine posted this challenge from another woman's tumblr account. (I don't do tumblr, so I'm not really sure how it all works.) Anyway, it is a 30 day photo challenge meant to celebrate yourself, your body, everything.  It's meant to promote confidence for the overweight in the world.  I think it is geared mostly towards women, but it can be done for men too.  So, here are the rules direct from her tumblr (also linked below.)

In order to boost the amount of pictures floating around in the ‘fat selfie’ tag, I decided to create this 30 day fat selfie challenge! Feel free to join in at any point, I hope this inspires lots of people to take selfies and show themselves a little bit of love!
THE RULES:
-Start whenever you want! There’s no time limit, and even if you miss a couple days just jump back in where you left off! This is about promoting self love and learning to love taking pictures of yourself, so there’s no pressure.
-This challenge is open to people of every gender, orientation and race!
-Either submit your selfies directly to me here, or post them to your own blog under the tags #fuckyeahfatselfies, #fatselfiechallenge, #fatselfie or #30daysoffatselfies! I’ll be checking these tags daily for fabulous selfies to reblog and showcase on this blog and on my personal blog fattyforever
-Please be kind and respectful to every participant of this challenge. This is a self love learning process, so be supportive! Rude and hurtful comments will not be tolerated, and anyone found doing so will be given an embarrassing shout out and then will be blacklisted.
-Follow fuckyeahfatselfies to see the submissions and showcase selfies!
-Help others discover this challenge by liking and reblogging this post.
SUBMIT     FOLLOW
30 DAYS OF FAT SELFIES:
Day One : No make up/No filter 
Day Two : Resting Bitch Face
Day Three : Outdoor Glam
Day Four :  You & Your Pet(s) 
Day Five :  Your Feet 
Day Six : Fierce Face
Day Seven : Colorful Lips 
Day Eight : Outfit of the Day 
Day Nine: Funny Face 
Day Ten : Snack Face (You eating a snack, hello.)
Day Eleven : Bare Arms! (Shoulders in the sunshine, babe.)
Day Twelve : Full Body Pic 
Day Thirteen : Pajama Glam
Day Fourteen : Self Care Selfie (Show us something you do to treat yo self!)
Day Fifteen : Eyes!
Day Sixteen :  Big Smile :) 
Day Seventeen : Thunder Thighs 
Day Eighteen :  Sunshine Selfie
Day Nineteen : Your Favorite Feature
Day Twenty : Booty Day
Day Twenty One :  Hat Selfie
Day Twenty Two : Full Glam Face 
Day Twenty Three : You & Your Bae (Person, pet or pizza? Who’s the bae in your life?)
Day Twenty Four : Hobby Selfie (You doing your favorite just-for-fun activity!)
Day Twenty Five : Work Day Selfie
Day Twenty Six : Double Chin Win (Show off your cute double chin!)
Day Twenty Seven : Belly Roll Babe
Day Twenty Eight : Imperfection Perfection (Show us the beautiful parts of you that you’re still learning to love.)
Day Twenty Nine : My Happy Place (Where do you find peace and solace in your day to day life? Take us there!)
Day Thirty : I Love Myself Because… (Pick your favorite selfie ever and post it with a short paragraph about how awesome and wonderful you are! Congratulations! You made it all the way to the end!)

Did you know that I run a fat selfie appreciation blog? No? Well now is the perfect time to follow! I’ll be doing this 30 day challenge starting tomorrow, I hope you join me!

30 Days of Fat Selfies by Fatty Forever

So, in keeping with the challenge.... here I present my first #fatselfiechallenge picture.  

A Glimmer of Light

One week. That is how long I have been on the increased dose of my new pain meds. And how long I have been able to consistently work out. 5 days last week. 2 so far this week. It's definitely a step in the right direction, and I am cautiously optimistic. I have been nauseous the last 2 days, so it has been difficult to stay motivated, but I have. I have gotten up and moved my body regardless, and honestly it has felt GOOD! I am down about 2.5 pounds (a little more actually) and I am really hoping this hard work

Continues to pay off. I have also been tracking my calories and that has helped as well. A little less negativity and a little more confidence with every workout.

I do sometimes get the feeling that my husband tries to sabotage my efforts by bringing home "treats" for me. Especially when I have had a not so good day with my health. I'm not sure he does it intentionally, but sometimes it feels like it.

It's official: I'm fat.

I have been through so much over the last 3 1/2 years, and you would think I would have figured out how to get a handle on my self-loathing. But I haven't. 

I have Arnold-Chiari Malformation Type I, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, Degenerative Disc Disease, Fibromyalgia, Spondylosis, Arthritis in my back and neck, probably Ehlers-Danlos Type 3, and possibly Cranio-Cervical instability. 

You would think that would be enough to make me second guess my body's intentions on this grand old planet, but - No; hell I have so many freaking "conditions" (let's be real here, I have ISSUES) I can't even keep track of them all. Thanks to the constant pain and the meds used to control it, compounded with the tendency to catch any bug that is floating around that the rest of my family may or may not have already suffered through and recovered from, that takes me DAYS longer (sometimes even weeks) to fully recover from, I am at my highest weight EVER. 

So, let's add to all of that the disgust and hatred I feel for myself when I go to try on clothes, or get on the damn scale, just to find I am a big, fat (literally) disappointment. I am at my lowest point. Even though I would say this is rock bottom, and I have nowhere else to go but up, I have NO idea how to get there. I've tried eating healthy, my weight doesn't change (unless you count that first big loss of water weight.) I try to work out (gently AND going hard) and because of the pain and POTS (my heart rate jumps up to around 120-150 bpm just going from sitting to standing) I just can't keep at it. Well... I mean, I could, but I would injure myself. 

I am beyond frustrated and utterly lost. I've tried ItWorks! (ItDoesn't!) and Medifast (let's get real, cardboard for  breakfast, lunch and snacks is NOT all that appetizing.) I'm not looking for a quick solution; I want HEALTH. I want my body to treat ME right. I rarely drink soda, my mainstay drinks are water and hot tea. I can eat 1200 calories a day or 2000 and still not gain or lose a freaking POUND! Nothing seems to make a difference. 

I am at my wit's end. I don't know what to do anymore.