Fighting with the Shadow

I can feel her scratching below the surface, trying to claw her way out, this Shadow inside me, that wants to ruin all my progress.  The one that wants to sabotage all my efforts.  WHY?  Why does she want me to live in misery?  Why does she want me to continue being sick and unhealthy?  Is it because she is scared of anything other than what she already knows?  The pain, the illness, the depression and the darkness?

Do I let her out?  Do I welcome her into the fold, allowing her to exist within me, but not control my actions?  Do I try to banish her into oblivion and push on, confronting my demons, and thereby freeing myself to be the woman I am striving to be?

This weekend was difficult, what with it being Father's Day Sunday, and all the amazing food our family always has at get togethers. I didn't stuff myself, but what I did eat was still too much. I love desserts, and don't think it is healthy to deny myself.  But should I? Am I doomed to live a life with no desserts? Is there a happy medium, or is it cut and dry? 

Anyway, the REAL victory that came from this weekend is that I am noticing that my jeans are fitting better. Normally I hate wearing jeans because they cut into my waistline. For the first time in a long time, my jeans fit comfortably now. Enough that I don't immediately change out of them once I get home from an outing!  I am thrilled with that. Also, I have stuck to my plan of not weighing myself until Friday.  

Also, my eldest daughter and I went for a walk tonight when it started cooling off a bit. Tomorrow I will do some exercises on my Pilates machine. I truly hope that this week yields some great results too!

Good night everyone, see you on Friday!!